Treat 'Em Mean

Lesotho

During our expedition to Lesotho, our guide, the irrepressible Matt, treated us to a snippet of poetry written by his own hand. It goes:

treat 'em mean
keep 'em keen
treat 'em nice
get fucking shit on

One can only agree with the truth and wisdom inherent in this bit of verse. Has not every man felt that another's success with the fairer gender could only be ascribed to the feminine world's adoration of maltreatment? That is to say, is it not the assholes that get the girls? Matt has managed to encapsulate in just a few choice words what we all know to be true: nice guys finish last in the booty race. As a tribute to his literary accomplishment and generous contribution to our collective global wisdom, we sent Matt a shapely plastic leg from a female mannequin anonymously in the mail. I hope that he receives and cherishes it in the spirit that it was sent, whatever that might be.